They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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