God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
