i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize