textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
