dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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