I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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