By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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