The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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