Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
