I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
