I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
