she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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