I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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