oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
