i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
