Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
