Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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