just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
