I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
