my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
