I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
