OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
