so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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