ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
