She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
