Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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