I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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