my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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