y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
