Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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