U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I came so hard my ears popped.
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