He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
