Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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