moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
