Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
