what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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