I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize