good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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