So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
