Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
