I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
