I hate all girls vehemently.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
my being single is dangerous.
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
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Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The power of my boobs compel you
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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