No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
