guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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