Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
