I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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