I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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