You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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