are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
