Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
