I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
