The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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