just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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