omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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