Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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