Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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