Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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