he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
