when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
