Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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