so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
