It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
