I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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