Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
