is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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