So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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